Juicing around town

I’ve been juicing for the last couple of days . . . it sure feels amazing. My last attempt at juice feasting was pretty demoralizing – back in mid-february, I decided to do a 92-day juice feast. As I look back, I really was not in the spiritual or emotional condition to do it then, and would juice for 5 days, and then binge on cooked foods, and then juice for 4 days and then binge. This cycle went on for a few weeks until I finally gave up.

This time, I’m limiting it to 3 days, with 2 days of proper feast-breaking afterwards. Why now? I’m coming out a pretty toxic couple of months and am finally willing to part with that negativity / stress / junk food etc. Isn’t it funny, to realize that as bad a something is for me (isolation, relationship, crap food, high stress), I still cling to it and for whatever self-destructive satisfaction I get. This willingness to detox is a real gift – not something that I consciously asked for but I’m sure as anything grateful for it.

Ideally, I’d be somewhere, lounging by a beach with no responsibilities. Even though I’m not working right now, I still am out and about throughout the day and have been having a bit of a time getting in as much juice and I probably should. I’ve been getting about 70 ounces / day, which I know is not calorically what I need. Another reason to keep this short and sweet. While it’s certainly for a physical detox, the spiritual component and the dicipline needed are tremendous – even in this short time.

I did manage to make the pukiest juice possible – kiwi / cucumber. Two of my favorite things that should never share a glass. Also, the juice was thick, kind of syrupy, which leads me to believe that the kiwi’s texture doesn’t allow for the fiber to properly separate. Maybe?

Some of the awesome things about juicing for this short time:

1. Waaaaay more energy – more alert, sleep less
2. Much more time in the day when I’m not figuring out what to eat, when to eat and all that
3. Completely more in touch with my feelings (sometimes not so awesome)
4. Unbelievable sex drive
5. My allergies have calmed down

Also, today I got this really great message from a new friend:

This is real life. It’s all real. Embrace the world. Love and light.

Back on the bus, ya'll

My romance with raw foods has been rocky recently. Intellectually, I know that eating raw foods makes me happy, sane, sexy and full of love. What’s the problem, then? It’s been over a year since I “discovered” raw foods, and part of me thinks that I should be full of radiant heath, eating 100% raw, a size 2, and preaching the raw food gospel around the world.

Yeah.

I wish I knew why I’m having such a hard time fusing my mind with my actions. It’s like I can’t get past the immediate gratification of rich, cooked, greasy foods for a long-term, much more intense gratification. Why can’t I just do it? Why haven’t I had the discipline to shop and prepare and bring my food? Why can’t I muscle through the “fuck-its”? Why why why.

What I have learned in recovery is that it’s not about finding out why. It doesn’t matter. My addictions don’t need to explain themselves. If I keep trying to find out why I’m trying to intellectualize a disease that does not operate in those terms. So I can ask why until I’m blue in the face, but I may never find out the answer and even if I do, it certainly won’t change anything.

So I’m not asking “Why?” today. I’m taking the next right action. I’m doing it one day at a time. I’m asking for and working on the willingness to take care of myself today, eat foods that nourish me and give me health and strength. And to know that there are some foods that I’m not eating today. Maybe one day I will, but for today there are some foods that are just not mine.

There’s a few things that have brought me back to wanting to commit to a more raw lifestyle:
1. The unbelievable support available from other raw people that I’ve met online.
2. That a work-friend is now raw! (the first person in my real life)
3. Warm weather (can’t deny the power of sunshine)
4. Thinking about my ex . . . It’s been about 3 months, and I think I’m finally digesting that relationship – the good and the bad. I’ve been reflecting on the last time we were together: I was on day 4 of a mini-juice feast and I had never felt more sexual, more connected, more at peace. And this at the end of a relatively tumultuous relationship. Instead of playing that game in my head where I think about how we’re going to get back together when we’ve both become the people that we’re meant to be, I’m actually ready to move on, And realizing that all I want is sexy back.

To borrow the phrase – I want sexy back. And I’m soooo going to get it.